A place to call my own

For some time now I’ve wanted to own a home. Not an apartment, but a house with a roof and 4 walls on some land. I want to legally own the land under my feet.

Part of this ambition stems from visions of domestic bliss. I imagine myself pottering around in the garden, hanging up carefully selected paintings and baking scones. Not that it is likely I would actually do this (I rarely bake and almost always burn myself when I do) but that is my anti-feminist domestic fantasy.

Another reason for the choice of a house and not an apartment is my desire to get a dog. This desire is incredibly propelling. I want one and always have (god I sound like Veruka Salt). This means that my house will need a yard as well as proximity to a dog park. There is my first criteria. My second criteria is somewhere to park my car. My third is a property within a reasonable distance to cafe’s, shops, and all the modern conveniences. I believe in real estate terms, it is called a ‘lifestyle’ investment.

Lately I’ve become a bit of a house inspection pro. My record is 12 house inspections in one day. On that day I planned them with military precision and hit them one after the other. Like a well trained soldier I located each property on the map, surveyed the neighbourhood, entered the premises then moved swiftly from room to room taking in every detail.

In general, house inspections go like this:

-          Once you’ve found the street, it’s usually easy to find the house. Just look for house with large For Sale board out the front

-          You then approach the house, make eye contact with selling agent, give your name and number and take brochure. Small talk is not necessary but a nice-to-have.

-          Ask the realtor “is it owner occupied”, if not, as what a typical weekly rent is. Ask what they are asking for the property. Ask if they are any body corporate fees, why the owners are selling etc. Ask if there has been any renovation recently.

-          Tour the house. Take the opportunity to look into other people’s cupboards (he he). Keep your eye out for dodgy fittings, sloping floors, hanging ceilings.

-          If there is a fountain turned on, ambient music playing or scented oils/candles, asked for them to be switched off/ removed. You do not want to a buy a place and find out that the music was hiding noisy neighbours and the scented candles was masking the smell of rot.

-          If there is a back yard, have a look over the fence to next door. Do the neighbours have kids or a loud parrot that spouts Shakespearian sonnets?

-          While you are there, suss out the competition. Are they mostly couples? How serious do they look? But don’t get too stressed. Most often the people wandering around inspections are just curious neighbours having a sticky beak.

All this can be quite exhausting. Especially if you are doing more than one inspections in one day. Try and find someone to go with you, preferably someone with building or carpentry skills. But remember, you will be the one paying the mortgage in the end, so it’s what you think that counts.

I’m still yet to find the house of my dreams. They say now is a good time to buy in Melbourne but honestly there isn’t a real abundance of supply in the market.

 A lot of house hunting seems to be just waiting for the right property to come along. So I will wait. And attend inspections. And be content with burning myself baking on the stove in my apartment.